Top Ten Things I Learnt From old Movies

10. Cigarettes smell and taste really good, especially when Paul Henreid lights two at a time and hands one to me.

9. My living room will always be two steps lower than the rest of my elegant home.

8. I should never try using a gun to defend myself. All I'll do is cry and tremble as evil Richard Widmark approaches me and takes it away with a contemptuous sneer. Then he'll probably kiss me and I'll be too frightened/in love to fight him off, except perhaps for a few weak blows of my fists on his shoulders before my hands slide around his back. clutching him to me passionately.

7. When I travel or move, one small cream-coloured valise is all I'll need to transport several evening gowns, a clutch of day outfits, eight pairs of shoes with matching purses, some smart hats, all my important documents and every other toiletry accoutrement you can imagine. If I need two cases, I can hold the handle of one in my hand, while the other sits easily under my arm - they're just so light! My matching train case will carry all else, including the secret government documents in the hidden bottom.

6. There will always be an available parking space for my enormous convertible, right in front of the building I'm about to enter.

5. If I become terminally ill, I will never look more beautiful, and my decline and death will be gentle and pain free.

4. 100% of the population will often feel gay and certainly look mighty swell.

3. Breaking into a pre-rehearsed song and dance routine, accompanied by full orchestra, will be a daily feature of my life.

2. I can walk in high heels forever and still smile like an angel.

and...

1. All my dreams will come true, and I'll live in perfect bliss with Cary Grant in our cottage for ever and ever.