Top Ten Things I Have Learned from Non-American Movies

10. My car will be impossibly small.
9. If my phone rings, I will just turn and watch it until it stops, as I lean against the window jam, smoking a gauloise.
8. I won't ever spend time grocery-shopping. Instead, I will be seen spending most of my time cooking in my impossibly small kitchen and then having endless, graphic, all-nekkid sex among the leeks and baguettes.
7. Family? What family?
6. Jean Reno will terrorize me, seduce me, and then buy me a black leather coat, by which time we will have forgotten which evil nemesis we are fighting.
5. When I fall in love with Colin Firth, we will hurl affectionate profanities at each other and eat fish and chips after the concert, gazing at each other in the unflattering light of a naked lightbulb.
4. Children? What children?
3. My flat will be impossibly small and in need of a good paint job.
2. Knickers on the floor (especially granny pants) will never be a deterrent for my lover (Colin Firth).

and...

1. If the police have just left saying "There's nothing to worry about now miss", I should proceed to take a shower... with Colin Firth.