Top Ten Things I Have Learned from American Movies

10. My car will always appear freshly-washed.
9. If I pick up a ringing phone and no-one says anything, I should probably not spend half an hour saying "Hello? Hello? Is anyone there?" (k... that sounded a bit sarcy!)
8. My grocery purchases of the day will all fit into one fairly light, brown paper bag.
7. Apparently it's cool to drop everything and dance around with inter-generational family members to 50's rock classics.
6. No matter how long it takes me and my fellow FBI agent to save the world, we'll never have to stop to pee, sleep or have a snack. Oh - we might have to sleep, as long as the evil guy is on roof, about to sneak in with the machete.
5. When I fall in love, I will suddenly spend an inordinate amount of time with my new mate roller-blading, walking along a beach, jogging, washing his dog, cycling, and having pillow fights.
4. My children will appear to be channelling smart-mouthed, stand-up comedians.
3. That if I have suffered an affliction and need to retreat from the world for a while, that I shouldn't rent a magnificent house on the shores of a lake, especially just after fall leaves have gone and before the snow arrives... oh, and especially one in which something a tad disturbing recently happened.
2. A spontaneous bonking session with my impossibly-handsome new boyfriend will never be marred by thoughts, of "Fuck, I didn't shave my legs... plus I think there are knickers on the bathroom floor."

and...

1. If the police have just left saying "There's nothing to worry about now ma'am", I should not proceed to take a shower.